For The Love Of A Child

My middle child is three and a half years old and is still not talking. He has his own language which only a select few understand. My son is mentally two years old. He uses a sign language only when it suits him and he throws hour long tantrums over little things. He has break downs that last at least an hour every few hours and my husband is usually the only one that calm him down. I get easily frustrated with him when he hits and screams at me. I just wished I could understand his needs, his wants. We have gone to speech therapy and have been told that he is "developmentally delayed" -- in speech, in cognition, and in social aspects. When the specialist told me this, my heart sank. A part of me knew that he was different from other children, but to hear it out of another person's mouth was disheartening, to say the least. To say that my son is different is an understatement; to say that he is amazing is an understatement. My son has the most caring and loving personality I have ever seen. The love he has for others is so overwhelming, and I couldn't imaging my life without him. He loves so fully and so amazingly. His big brother is his best friend. He follows him around and tries to mimic everything he does. Every moment he can, he goes over and kisses his little sister. He loves to come and lay next to her in the morning and she grabs handfuls of his hair and pulls it, and he just sits there and lets her do it. He doesn't complain, or hit her.

We recently moved to a new state, and we're waiting to get him into a specialist to get a full mental evaluation. I'm scared -- what they are going to tell me? What will happen when he has an official diagnosis? I don't want him to be forever associated with that. He is my son, not some disorder. He shows multiple signs of Aspbergers and possibly some other delays, but he doesn't fit into any of those categories completely (even by the DSM-IV diagnostic criteria.) He's just Brigham. He is my son and I will work my damnedest to make him feel accepted and loved in this lifetime.

Sex Challenge - Day...

Three, four, five, and six were sweet success!! Amazing, amazing success! Sorry I haven't been on top of this, but I have been busy. ;) Hehehehe..... Coming out of this has been so much fun. We have had a pretty stressful week, and I know for me the sex has really helped ease that tension. I am going to try to keep up on having sex everyday from now on. It really has helped our relationship. The Hubby felt less stressed this week, and he was mister graby all week. I really liked this challenge, and I think every couple should make it a goal to have sex everyday. We have one more day to go, and I don't think we'll have a problem make it one more day. :D

If any of you participated in this challenge I would love to know how it effected your relationship, and the outcome of the results. I am going to do some more research, and find more fun challenges to do. If any of you find something fun to do, tell me! I would love to participate. So until then, have a fun kinky time!!

~N

Sex Challenge - Day Two...

I never thought in a million years it would be hard to keep to this kind of challenge. You never really look at your intimacy when your married with kids. You know that sex happens, but until you have to look at it, you never noticed how much you have dropped the ball.

Last night was indeed another fail. We had the chaos known as dinner, bath time, scriptures, then bed time. Bed time was a total fail. Boo screamed for what seemed like an hour, because he didn't want to go to bed. Smuchie didn't want anyone but me, and Midgy was cranky because he wanted a movie. After the hour of screaming, Boo finally went to sleep. We got the other two kids settled, and watched Modern Family. I figured that during this time the kids would fall asleep, and I would make my move. Well after the two hours of watching Modern Family, both kids were wide awake still, and poor Hubbs was falling asleep. It was well past midnight, and I was sad that the kids weren't asleep yet.

So off to bed we went. Midgey still sleeps with us, no matter how hard we try to get him into his own bed, he manages to make it back into ours. Now bedtime was a struggle, to say the least. Midgey didn't want to go to sleep, and Smuchie would not go to sleep. She refused to lay in her bed, and she refused to sit in her swing. After much crying, and grumpiness, we got Midgey to sleep. The Hubbs had clonked out by then, so Smuchie and I were the only ones awake. After much rocking, and bouncing, I got her to sleep. It was around 3am, and I was exhausted.

I'm disappointed that this challenge has become so difficult for us to keep. It's always one thing, or another that keeps us from each other. We used to be rabbits. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, and now it's hard for us to get a minute to ourselves. I know it's only day three, but I am going to try a lot harder to make this day work. Intimacy is very important to have in a marriage, and intimacy isn't just sex. There are all kinds of levels of intimacy, and I am going to get to at least one of those levels tonight. Well hopefully, tonight is The Hubbs raiding night, he's a huge nerd, and plays Ever Quest 2. Every Sunday, and Wednesday are his raid nights. He is now a leader, so he can't miss them.

Wish me luck! I am hoping to have a success story for you all tomorrow! :P If any of you are participating in the challenge, tell me. I would like to know how it's coming for you. No intimate details though. Hahahah...

Sex Challenge - Day One.

Was an epic FAIL! Lol.

The Hubbs worked late, the kids are refusing to go to bed, and I am exhausted!

I will try to "coax" The Hubbs into it later tonight, but so far the night is a bust. :(

Wish me luck for day two. ;)

Honesty post.

I hate trying to make new friends. I feel like I am in high school again, and I'm the new kid no one likes. It's hard getting over the initial introductions, and trying to remember their names. It's like all you have to talk about is your kids, and I love talking about my kids, but I want to talk about other stuff, too. I want to make mommy friends. Woman that are in the same stage of life, as I am. I want to have friends that I can go out with, and have a good time with away from my kids.

Lately I feel so isolated. I am tired of these four walls, and this house is like the never ending story of cleaning. I've been really depressed, and I hate it. What would it be like to have someone to vent to in person? I vent to The Hubbs all the time, but the poor guy needs a break every once, and a while. I've tried to pick up a few hobbies to help with the depression, but I don't have the motivation to keep them up. It's hard to be motivated by something that you are doing on your own.

The Hubbs is a full time graduate student, and he's barely ever home. The only adult conversation I get is though Facebook, and frankly that is little to say the least. When The Hubbs gets home, he is overloaded with information, and exhausted from his day. So, any conversation with him is kept to my day, his day, then it's off to bed. And the next day we do the. Same. Exact. Thing. It's an exhausting routine. I always feel like I'm overloading him with pointless stuff from my day.

Graduate school is like this huge loan, that takes forever to pay off, and the debt collectors won't leave you alone. You're always worried about the loan, and how you are going to get the money to pay it off. You're always stressed, you're always busy, and you basically live on campus. It's like that nightmare you have, where you are stuck at school, and you can never leave. The teachers are secretly monsters, and they don't care if your dog ate your homework. It's a never ending school day. And even when you get home, you are still doing school work. Family, food, relaxation, it's all a luxury that you can't have. I. Hate. Graduate School. You can tell me all you want that's it's worth it in the end, but right now it sucks, and I hate it.

I basically have no life outside of this house. I am always here, and I never get to leave. It's like a prison in which you have the keys to get out, but you're so used to it, that even if you did get out, you would have no idea how to function on the outside. It's terrible to feel this way, and I hope that eventually I can change the way I feel. But until then, I am going to keep working towards finding friends, and a way out of this hell.

Sex Challenge.

I've decided to participate in a challenge that babycenter.com and thestir@cafemom.com was doing. It's called the Sex for a week challenge. It's basically exactly what it says. For a full week I am taking on the challenge of having sex everyday with The Hubbs. This is supposed to increase intimacy and help build up your marriage. I am going to blog about it every day and NO I will not be putting details. Ha. More along the lines of our conversations and what it's improved in our relationship. I will be starting this on Monday the 28th.

The following is the conversation I had with The Hubbs asking him if we could do this. It didn't go over as well as I thought it would. Haha.

Me : So I want to do this sex challenge thing that I read about online in some of the blogs I follow today.

The Hubbs : Okay...

Me : We will need to have sex everyday for a full week. It'll help our intimacy and it'll be fun.

The Hubbs: Haha okay. Sounds good. When are we starting this?

Me : Next Monday and I am going to blog about it.

The Hubbs: What? Blog about it?

Me: Yeah, nothing person or anything will be on there. I promise.

The Hubbs: On your public blog?

Me: Yes. I won't put any nity gitty details.

The Hubbs: It probably isn't the best idea to put something like that on a public blog. Potential employers and universities often google applicants' names, and I don't want that the first thing on their results.

Me: I won't put your real name on it then.

The Hubbs: Okay, I guess that's fine then.

Haha. So after promising to not put his name on this, I got the okay. I am pretty excited to do this. I think it will be fun and different from the same old, same old. Any of you are welcome to participate in the challenge. This'll be fun! Wish me luck. ;)

Crunchy Mama!

So I've become a total freak about my kids toys, and I've found out that there are only a few sites that offer organic toys. I've been lucky, and I've been able to find some stuff off of Amazon. I got Briggs a truck, and a tool set for his birthday, that was completely made out of recycled milk jugs. I got Kyra organic, and BPA free teething toys. I am pretty freaking happy with myself, and how I am making my kidlets world a better place. I'm working on Andrew's stuff, but he isn't too keen on the those kinds toys. He wants spiderman, batman, and transformers toys. Sadly they don't make those kind of toys organic, or recycled. I'm going to gather all of the boys toys that they don't play with, and either freecycle them, or take them to the salvation army. I'm working on eventually having the majority of their toys more or less organic or BPA free.

I feel that this is a very important thing to have done in their lives. I am working extremely hard on getting all of the added junk in our lives out. We have switched most of the food we intake over to organic, and all natural. We recycle, and reuse a lot more of our stuff. And we have made a huge effort to change all of our dish ware to glass. I wished I would have done this years ago, but it's better to do it now instead of never. We are now a green family!! It's going to be awesome when family comes and visits. Ha.

I just wanted to share my excitement. I will try harder to blog more!

~N

VBAC: My Story

Note: In order to keep confidentiality, I am going to change the names of the doctors.

I am a huge advocate for Vaginal Births After Cesarean (VBAC). I feel that cesareans are happening way too often in this country. Unless there is a medical need for a cesarean, they should not be happening. But the number of cesareans are growing immensely. Why is this happening? A woman's body is meant to have a vaginal birth, but more and more doctors push cesareans. Is it for the convenience? Dr. Smith wants to get home in time for dinner, so Mrs. Doe is no longer "progressing". Time for an emergency c-section! Of course, he tells you that your baby is in danger; no mother is going to say no.

But are you really not progressing? How long have you been at the hospital? If, and more importantly, when, did they give you Pitocin? How quickly did you get the epidural? Chances are these questions will not be going through your mind. But now that you think of it, these are the questions you wished that you would have had on your mind. My story is pretty much the same as every cesarean mother's story.

---

With my first baby, my water broke at about 8:30am. I arrived at the the hospital at about 10:30am and was dilated to 3cm. My doctor suggested that I get an epidural immediately. I was young and stupid, so I did exactly what my doctor told me. Let's fast forward to 2:00pm, when I was dilated to 5cm, so my doctor said I needed pitocin. Once again, I had no idea what any of this was and went for it. I was told it would speed up my labor. By 7:00pm I was dilated to 7cm. At 9:00pm, I was still at 7cm, so my doctor told me that I needed to have an emergency c-section because my baby was in distress (though he never told me why he was in distress). I was confused, because everything seemed to be going fine. But I was also nervous, so I tried to put it off. He essentially bargained with me to set a deadline for when we could do the c-section, and we decided to wait until 10:00pm. At 10:00pm, they had me sign the consent forms, and prepped me for the c-section. I cried the entire way to the surgery room. I was devastated that I had to get a c-section, and I didn't know why I needed to have one. It wasn't until three hours later that I got to hold my son.

By that point, our breastfeeding relationship was ruined, but I still wanted to try. Thinking back, no one except for my husband really encouraged me me to breastfeed, so he was never breastfed.

I know now that I should have learned a lot more about labor and the birthing process, but I was 16 and had no idea how the whole ordeal worked. I regret not being more independent and trying harder.

---

With my second I had heard about VBAC's and wanted to try. I ran it by my doctor -- the same doctor-- and he immediately shot down the idea. He said with a previous c-section a vaginal birth was out of the question. I still had hope that I would be able to have my baby vaginally. At every appointment after the 10th week, we asked about a VBAC. The doctor always said, with great hesitation, that we would see how the pregnancy went. At my my 36 week appointment, he let me know that he did not want me to try a VBAC, and had one scheduled for me. When I questioned this, he agreed to check the baby's position every week, as long as I would still schedule the c-section. When he scheduled it for two weeks before the due date, I asked him to move it, but he said he wanted to do it by that date because "a big baby could put too much pressure on my inflamed gal bladder." So at 38 weeks, we delivered our 5 lbs 1 ounce baby -- the one that he was worried about getting too big -- by cesarean. During the c-section, the baby's head was cut by the scalpel. We were reassured that it wasn't as bad as it seemed, and that scarring would be minimal. At his first doctors appointment the pediatrician pointed out that it would be a serious scar. And to this day, he still has a moderate sized scar on the back of his head that grows with him. It was at that point that I made a promise to myself that I would have a VBAC with our next baby.

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Everything about the third pregnancy was different. I researched doctors online, and found a practice with two doctors in it. The doctors appeared to be a great fit for me, and the reviews were amazing for the office. I went to my first appointment at 10 weeks with Dr. E, and I made it very clear that I wanted a VBAC and that if he wasn't comfortable with that, I would find another doctor. He was very open to the idea and said he would work with us, though he tried to make sure we were aware of actual VBAC rates right away. I was pleased with how he genuinely nice he was and how open he was about VBACs. My pregnancy went smoothly and Dr. E recommended that we meet the other doctor in the practice. The other doctor, Dr. L, was against VBACs and made it clear from the very beginning. I was very nervous about this, but figured it wouldn't matter because I planned on having Dr. E deliver.

At 38 weeks I started having contractions, and I started leaking a clear fluid. I was worried it could be amniotic fluid, so we went off to the hospital. Dr. E was on duty and he did a bed side ultrasound that showed that my fluid may be low. He also did a vaginal swab amniotic test which came back positive, but that was probably due to my husband and I having intercourse within 24 hours. He wanted a comprehensive ultrasound done, so he had one done at radiology. It showed that my fluid level was fine, because there was a large pocket of fluid down near the baby's head that the first ultrasound missed. Just to be safe, he wanted me to stay overnight and have another ultrasound in the morning. However, Dr. L was on call the next day. During this ultrasound, my husband and I both pointed out to the tech that there was a pocket of fluid closer to her head, but the tech just nodded and never looked down there, and quickly ushered us off to our room. The test results indicated that the fluid level was half of the minimal safe value, so the doctor said it would be best to have another c-section. I refused and asked for another vaginal swab to see if my water had actually broken, but Dr. L. refused to perform another one. He kept me at the hospital for nearly four days, not allowing me to eat or to move from my bed. I was furious. He was the doctor on call for the next three days, and I wasn't going to have my regular doctor back until Monday. The doctor kept pushing me to get a c-section and since I didn't want to, I had only one option: leaving against medical advice. My husband and I insisted that another vaginal swab test was performed, and he finally agreed to do it. It came back negative -- my water was not broken. After much thought and prayer, and after consulting our insurance company, we decided to go against medical advice and check out.

At 39 weeks and 3 days my water broke at 11pm. I stayed at home until the pain became unbearable. I was extremely nervous to go back into the hospital. I was terrified that they would push me into another c-section. I got to the hospital 1:30am and the doctor on call was Dr. M, who was the brand new doctor who had just started at the practice. I really liked her, and was extremely pleased that she was there. However, she had to leave at 7:00am and Dr.L would be coming in. I was so upset. I did not want to go though what I went though last time with him. I was dilated to 3cm when I came into the hospital and I hoped I would deliver during Dr. M's shift. At 7:00am, I decided I couldn't handle the pain anymore and asked for an Epidural, since I was dilated to 7cm. Dr. M wished me luck with my VBAC, and left for the day.

As Dr. M. left, she left the door cracked open a bit. While I was going in and out of sleep, I heard Dr.L joking with a nurse about how my husband and I should watch a video of a vaginal birth, since it would make us change our minds. I was very upset with his negative attitude and I used it to motivate myself to go though with my VBAC to prove him wrong. I passed out, and when the nurse woke me up at 10:00am to check me, I was fully dilated to 10cm, and the baby's head was crowning. She rushed to get the doctor and had me push right away. I only pushed for 25 minutes, without any complications, and gave birth vaginally to a 7 pound 14 ounce baby girl. I was ecstatic! I had proved that I was capable of giving birth vaginally! After we were moved from labor and delivery, all of the nurses who had seen us during all of our visits kept coming in and congratulating me on my VBAC. Dr. M. even made a special trip down to congratulate me. It was an amazing feeling to check "Vaginal Birth" on the insurance and hospital forms. I have never felt more accomplished in my entire life. I am so happy that I did all of the research, that I took my time in making an educated decision, and that I went with my gut instincts and pushed my doctor for a VBAC.

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Every woman should have this choice presented to them. They should not let their doctor take over your birthing experience. It is her birth, for her and the baby. No one should let a doctor tell them if their body isn't working properly if they know otherwise. This isn't to say that you should not trust your doctor, but rather that a woman should think for herself and do her research. This is why there is so much information available on VBACs, and why there are many support groups. Exercise your right as a patient.

For reference, the best site I have found is the International Cesarean Awareness Network. The site can be found here.

Do your research, and make informed decisions so you can enjoy your VBAC experience. :)

~N

Facepalm.

Oh Facebook. You are so full of breast envy. Another breastfeeding page has been removed from Facebook for violating TOS. Explain to me how breastfeeding is violating this? So let me get this straight Facebook, woman can basically have nude photos on Facebook, but a breastfeeding mom can't post any breastfeeding pictures? I see.

I think what irritates me the most is that this keeps happening. Why is the real question here. Breastfeeding is a natural way to feed your child. If you are so offended please feel free to cover your head with a blanket. I am doing what is best for my child. I will keep on doing what is best for my child, even if you are offending. My child's health will come before your stupidity. There is no reason why I should have to cover up my child. Do you cover your head to eat? I think not. Breastfeeding is a beautiful thing. Lets not make it so ugly and offensive. I do not have a problem with woman that cover up and want to be discreet about it. I feel that every woman has a right to choose if she wants to cover up or not. We should not have to feed our babies in bathrooms to make others feel better.

Facebook is hindering breastfeeding mothers. Those pages they keep deleting were support groups, a community of supporting mothers supporting each other in breastfeeding. I know I went to them almost everyday for breastfeeding advice. I know countless others have too. The Leaky Boob and pages like this keep getting deleted for no reason. Why Facebook, is breastfeeding so offensive to you? Why do people keep reporting these pages? It frustrates me to no end that this keeps happening. Woman need more support with breastfeeding. It should not be shunned and covered up to keep others happy. This is the most healthiest thing you can give your babies and less and less woman do it everyday. The number one reason woman stop breastfeeding is because of the lack of support.

Support your breastfeeding community by joining the Bring Back The Leaky Boob page on Facebook. Support you breastfeeding mothers. They deserve to be supported. The Leaky Boob blog can be found here.

Health Care. :-/

I am a very Liberal person. So if you are not, please push the back button on your browser. Lol. The Obama Health Care Bill is probably one of the smartest things our government has decided to do. I mean where is the bad in this bill. Better health care, easier to get on, young adults can stay on their parents insurance until they are 26, it prohibits insurance companies to deny you insurance for pre-existing conditions(which my poor hubby is a walking one), and there are a million other things, but this sentence is long enough.

So what is the problem with this bill? Well why don't you ask the republicans. Requiring American's to get Health Insurance is against the constitution. Well then wouldn't requiring people to have car insurance be the same thing? The taxes on it would be ridiculously high. Well welcome to America. Nothing is free here. You see we have this mind set that we should get everything because we are in the "Land Of the Free". Well sorry, Mr. Republican freedom is not free. You know those awesome roads you drive on, yeah we pay for those with tax money and you know how people whine when they are not up to par, well if we paid more in taxes we would have better roads. Just because something is there it doesn't mean we can just have it, because it's our right as an American. We have to pay for these things. I am obviously for higher taxes. I will pay my taxes for the things I want. I will pay my taxes so my fellow American can have the dream, too.

Lets go back to the Health Care Reform. Okay look at other countries with Government Health Care. France has one of the best health care in the world, and guess what, it's all done though the government. Canada has free health care to all of it's citizens, most of Europe has free health care. Well America it's time to get on the bandwagon. As an American we have a right to free health care and with that right comes responsibility. Yes, we will have to pay higher taxes to get it, but where is your sense of unity? Doesn't your fellow American deserve health care too? This country was built on unity. We came to American for freedom and with that freedom came unity. We had to "fight" for what we believed in. The founding fathers wanted our country united as a whole. Helping each other out and building our country up.

So before you spew your stupidity about the bill why don't you look at actual facts. Yes I am looking at you, Sarah Palin. Please take the time to look it up and stop going off of what the news tells you. Think for yourself and help our nation become a better one.