For The Love Of A Child

My middle child is three and a half years old and is still not talking. He has his own language which only a select few understand. My son is mentally two years old. He uses a sign language only when it suits him and he throws hour long tantrums over little things. He has break downs that last at least an hour every few hours and my husband is usually the only one that calm him down. I get easily frustrated with him when he hits and screams at me. I just wished I could understand his needs, his wants. We have gone to speech therapy and have been told that he is "developmentally delayed" -- in speech, in cognition, and in social aspects. When the specialist told me this, my heart sank. A part of me knew that he was different from other children, but to hear it out of another person's mouth was disheartening, to say the least. To say that my son is different is an understatement; to say that he is amazing is an understatement. My son has the most caring and loving personality I have ever seen. The love he has for others is so overwhelming, and I couldn't imaging my life without him. He loves so fully and so amazingly. His big brother is his best friend. He follows him around and tries to mimic everything he does. Every moment he can, he goes over and kisses his little sister. He loves to come and lay next to her in the morning and she grabs handfuls of his hair and pulls it, and he just sits there and lets her do it. He doesn't complain, or hit her.

We recently moved to a new state, and we're waiting to get him into a specialist to get a full mental evaluation. I'm scared -- what they are going to tell me? What will happen when he has an official diagnosis? I don't want him to be forever associated with that. He is my son, not some disorder. He shows multiple signs of Aspbergers and possibly some other delays, but he doesn't fit into any of those categories completely (even by the DSM-IV diagnostic criteria.) He's just Brigham. He is my son and I will work my damnedest to make him feel accepted and loved in this lifetime.

Sex Challenge - Day...

Three, four, five, and six were sweet success!! Amazing, amazing success! Sorry I haven't been on top of this, but I have been busy. ;) Hehehehe..... Coming out of this has been so much fun. We have had a pretty stressful week, and I know for me the sex has really helped ease that tension. I am going to try to keep up on having sex everyday from now on. It really has helped our relationship. The Hubby felt less stressed this week, and he was mister graby all week. I really liked this challenge, and I think every couple should make it a goal to have sex everyday. We have one more day to go, and I don't think we'll have a problem make it one more day. :D

If any of you participated in this challenge I would love to know how it effected your relationship, and the outcome of the results. I am going to do some more research, and find more fun challenges to do. If any of you find something fun to do, tell me! I would love to participate. So until then, have a fun kinky time!!

~N

Sex Challenge - Day Two...

I never thought in a million years it would be hard to keep to this kind of challenge. You never really look at your intimacy when your married with kids. You know that sex happens, but until you have to look at it, you never noticed how much you have dropped the ball.

Last night was indeed another fail. We had the chaos known as dinner, bath time, scriptures, then bed time. Bed time was a total fail. Boo screamed for what seemed like an hour, because he didn't want to go to bed. Smuchie didn't want anyone but me, and Midgy was cranky because he wanted a movie. After the hour of screaming, Boo finally went to sleep. We got the other two kids settled, and watched Modern Family. I figured that during this time the kids would fall asleep, and I would make my move. Well after the two hours of watching Modern Family, both kids were wide awake still, and poor Hubbs was falling asleep. It was well past midnight, and I was sad that the kids weren't asleep yet.

So off to bed we went. Midgey still sleeps with us, no matter how hard we try to get him into his own bed, he manages to make it back into ours. Now bedtime was a struggle, to say the least. Midgey didn't want to go to sleep, and Smuchie would not go to sleep. She refused to lay in her bed, and she refused to sit in her swing. After much crying, and grumpiness, we got Midgey to sleep. The Hubbs had clonked out by then, so Smuchie and I were the only ones awake. After much rocking, and bouncing, I got her to sleep. It was around 3am, and I was exhausted.

I'm disappointed that this challenge has become so difficult for us to keep. It's always one thing, or another that keeps us from each other. We used to be rabbits. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, and now it's hard for us to get a minute to ourselves. I know it's only day three, but I am going to try a lot harder to make this day work. Intimacy is very important to have in a marriage, and intimacy isn't just sex. There are all kinds of levels of intimacy, and I am going to get to at least one of those levels tonight. Well hopefully, tonight is The Hubbs raiding night, he's a huge nerd, and plays Ever Quest 2. Every Sunday, and Wednesday are his raid nights. He is now a leader, so he can't miss them.

Wish me luck! I am hoping to have a success story for you all tomorrow! :P If any of you are participating in the challenge, tell me. I would like to know how it's coming for you. No intimate details though. Hahahah...

Sex Challenge - Day One.

Was an epic FAIL! Lol.

The Hubbs worked late, the kids are refusing to go to bed, and I am exhausted!

I will try to "coax" The Hubbs into it later tonight, but so far the night is a bust. :(

Wish me luck for day two. ;)

Honesty post.

I hate trying to make new friends. I feel like I am in high school again, and I'm the new kid no one likes. It's hard getting over the initial introductions, and trying to remember their names. It's like all you have to talk about is your kids, and I love talking about my kids, but I want to talk about other stuff, too. I want to make mommy friends. Woman that are in the same stage of life, as I am. I want to have friends that I can go out with, and have a good time with away from my kids.

Lately I feel so isolated. I am tired of these four walls, and this house is like the never ending story of cleaning. I've been really depressed, and I hate it. What would it be like to have someone to vent to in person? I vent to The Hubbs all the time, but the poor guy needs a break every once, and a while. I've tried to pick up a few hobbies to help with the depression, but I don't have the motivation to keep them up. It's hard to be motivated by something that you are doing on your own.

The Hubbs is a full time graduate student, and he's barely ever home. The only adult conversation I get is though Facebook, and frankly that is little to say the least. When The Hubbs gets home, he is overloaded with information, and exhausted from his day. So, any conversation with him is kept to my day, his day, then it's off to bed. And the next day we do the. Same. Exact. Thing. It's an exhausting routine. I always feel like I'm overloading him with pointless stuff from my day.

Graduate school is like this huge loan, that takes forever to pay off, and the debt collectors won't leave you alone. You're always worried about the loan, and how you are going to get the money to pay it off. You're always stressed, you're always busy, and you basically live on campus. It's like that nightmare you have, where you are stuck at school, and you can never leave. The teachers are secretly monsters, and they don't care if your dog ate your homework. It's a never ending school day. And even when you get home, you are still doing school work. Family, food, relaxation, it's all a luxury that you can't have. I. Hate. Graduate School. You can tell me all you want that's it's worth it in the end, but right now it sucks, and I hate it.

I basically have no life outside of this house. I am always here, and I never get to leave. It's like a prison in which you have the keys to get out, but you're so used to it, that even if you did get out, you would have no idea how to function on the outside. It's terrible to feel this way, and I hope that eventually I can change the way I feel. But until then, I am going to keep working towards finding friends, and a way out of this hell.

Sex Challenge.

I've decided to participate in a challenge that babycenter.com and thestir@cafemom.com was doing. It's called the Sex for a week challenge. It's basically exactly what it says. For a full week I am taking on the challenge of having sex everyday with The Hubbs. This is supposed to increase intimacy and help build up your marriage. I am going to blog about it every day and NO I will not be putting details. Ha. More along the lines of our conversations and what it's improved in our relationship. I will be starting this on Monday the 28th.

The following is the conversation I had with The Hubbs asking him if we could do this. It didn't go over as well as I thought it would. Haha.

Me : So I want to do this sex challenge thing that I read about online in some of the blogs I follow today.

The Hubbs : Okay...

Me : We will need to have sex everyday for a full week. It'll help our intimacy and it'll be fun.

The Hubbs: Haha okay. Sounds good. When are we starting this?

Me : Next Monday and I am going to blog about it.

The Hubbs: What? Blog about it?

Me: Yeah, nothing person or anything will be on there. I promise.

The Hubbs: On your public blog?

Me: Yes. I won't put any nity gitty details.

The Hubbs: It probably isn't the best idea to put something like that on a public blog. Potential employers and universities often google applicants' names, and I don't want that the first thing on their results.

Me: I won't put your real name on it then.

The Hubbs: Okay, I guess that's fine then.

Haha. So after promising to not put his name on this, I got the okay. I am pretty excited to do this. I think it will be fun and different from the same old, same old. Any of you are welcome to participate in the challenge. This'll be fun! Wish me luck. ;)

Crunchy Mama!

So I've become a total freak about my kids toys, and I've found out that there are only a few sites that offer organic toys. I've been lucky, and I've been able to find some stuff off of Amazon. I got Briggs a truck, and a tool set for his birthday, that was completely made out of recycled milk jugs. I got Kyra organic, and BPA free teething toys. I am pretty freaking happy with myself, and how I am making my kidlets world a better place. I'm working on Andrew's stuff, but he isn't too keen on the those kinds toys. He wants spiderman, batman, and transformers toys. Sadly they don't make those kind of toys organic, or recycled. I'm going to gather all of the boys toys that they don't play with, and either freecycle them, or take them to the salvation army. I'm working on eventually having the majority of their toys more or less organic or BPA free.

I feel that this is a very important thing to have done in their lives. I am working extremely hard on getting all of the added junk in our lives out. We have switched most of the food we intake over to organic, and all natural. We recycle, and reuse a lot more of our stuff. And we have made a huge effort to change all of our dish ware to glass. I wished I would have done this years ago, but it's better to do it now instead of never. We are now a green family!! It's going to be awesome when family comes and visits. Ha.

I just wanted to share my excitement. I will try harder to blog more!

~N